Posts Tagged ‘rant’

Games ftw lol #1

April 29, 2009

This is one of a few posts  which I plan on making regarding this subject. They may not all be of the same ilk but the overall subject will be the same.

My name is Sam.

My name is Sam and I am a convicted felon. The reason I’m here before you all is because  I wish to rid myself of my addiction to a video game. I need to do this. I need to do it as it is part of my sentencing. More importantly I need to do it for me. When people look at me now, they don’t see me. They don’t see the young man who, only a year ago, used to have a bunch of friends or was captain of the local hurling team. They see the “The gamer who snapped”.

I’m supposed to tell you about my addiction. This time last year I was perfectly healthy. I went to church every week. I spent every other waking moment studying and practicing so I could be a modern up to date visionary just like my writing idols of today’s news papers. (Bible > Daily Mail > 1980’s TRUE school books is the way to go imo lol. *beep ZZZAAAP!*) …

*Groans* pluuurrreuuum…. uh… that was my “anti-gaming thoughts chip”,  implanted deep within my brain. It keeps me from acting like a immature child, because only the childish or mentally unstable wish to shorten their typing to a few easy to use letters for speed of communication. If I so much as think of a PG 15’s + thought then I may end up dieing of a catastrophic brain aneurysm. All thanks J. Thompson Inventions plc “Keeping us truly happy by removing all fun since September 25, 2008“. The inner happiness I get from this, far overcompensates the terrible disfiguring to my face due to the surgery … is what my parents told me after it was reccomended to them by our local priest.

Where was I? Oh right. How I got addicted yes.

Due to my forced requirement by my parents to make a effort to enjoy presents received at my birthday and also the fact that I must have been very lazy and irresponsible at the time, I fired up my new playstation 2. Within a ungodly four whole hours later where I neither studied nor prayed I’ve already got a top score! Two hours later the  “evil corrupting mind control” kicked in and it was like I could just absorb every technique the game showed me. I went from a totaly innocent child to having all the horrible experience, knowlege and tendencies of a crinimal thug.

Amazingly it took a whole 48 hours after first playing the game for me to finnially snap and go on a rampage. 72 hours after first play I’m here already, yes.

I don’t know how I will deal with my  addiction to Tony Hawks Underground (T.H.U.G). I really need something drastic prevent me from going skate boarding on private property again with my newly found, sublimminally transmitted techniques (or “going on a criminal rampage” as the Daily Mail referred to it).

I guess all I have to rely on is my faith in god, the wisdom of my government, local community committees dedicated to judging while not “corrupting” themselves by having any experience with the matter. Oh and J. Thompson industries for their great ideas for dealing with the gaming problem. I hear they’re coming out with a device that blurs nudity in real life isn’t that great? lol … oh shi-*beep ZZAAAP* …. *thud*

excerpt from The Video Game Rehab Center  patient logs.

RIP Sam.

I hope your tearing that halfpipe up in heaven man.